Saturday, October 31, 2015

May Forever!

Lahat ng babae may insecurity sa sarili nya, and that's normal for me.
I've been one insecure lass.. and I think it is time for me to vent over this.. to lessen the feeling.
I'm insecure with your lady friends, yes, you read that right.
First of all, you're so close to them that it looks like your not ONLY friends, I mean you look more than friends. Then what people can all see on your timeline (for over a year now) is you with lady friend A or you with lady friend B. People are asking 'break na ba kayo?' 'sila na ba ni lady friend A?' 'nililigawan ba nya si lady friend B?' and kapag sinagot ko sila ng 'No' they'll give me this ows-di-nga look. Di ko naman sila masisi if they're to think that way cos I sometimes would also like to question myself about our relationship on the outside.
Meron 'tong apat na klase, una yung personally nagtatanong, ikalawa yung nag tatanong online (post/comment/chat), ikatlo yung chumichismis (tanong sa kanan - tanong sa kaliwa) at pang apat yung nagtatanong sa sarili nya with conclusion pa minsan (sila ba ni *tuuut*? Ayy sila siguro).
Things made me insecure of myself sometimes. When lady friend A and lady friend B are so pretty, it made me insecure of how I look. I have blemishes on my face, pimple marks, not-so normal eyelids, not-so pretty nose and weak-ain't-pretty teeth.
What made me really feel sadly-awkward is when it is my own family asking if we're together and will say 'eh? hindi ba nya yun girlfiend?' 'bakit ganun?' and then I can't defend myself cos when people would look at how you made things look like when at the eyes of other people, I am not your girlfriend.
Nakakalungkot lang talaga that this is how you made things look like.

And because of that, ladies, may forever! Insecurities are forever! (as to this) LOL


Friday, October 16, 2015

Digi-Perm at TandJSalon

Hello people!
I got my hair digi-permed at TandJSalon last August 15, if I am not mistaken.
I think everyone is familiar with the Salon, right?

T&J Salon Professional is created from the masters of techniques, from training ground of Bangs T&J Salon same professionalism and quality made affordable.

*please bear with my photos, I will try to have decent and worth posting ones next time*
I don't even have the before-during-and-after photo. Forgive me ;p
The procedure took 4 hours from consultation to styling of your hair (blowdry) before you walk out of the salon.
Getting your hair digi-permed is not easy at all, the stylist needs to check your hair if it is possible to be permed or not, which is the case of those who have their treated like rebond, relax or colored.
By the way, my hair was done by miss Tina of TandJ 168 Mall.

This is the second night after the perming.
You are not suppose to wet your hair until the third day.

If you think that having digi-permed hair is easy and low maintenance, you are mistaken.
If you are lazy (like me) who don't normally condition her hair everyday, that is a no-no now. I learn to apply conditioner everyday and apply treatment at least once a week. I use the L'OrĂ©al Total Repair 5 Deep Repairing Mask (20Php/sachet) available in the supermarket.
After bath: You can gently squeeze the water from your hair BUT YOU CAN'T rub your hair with your towel unlike what we used to do before and while hair still damp, you have to twist, and twist, and twist your hair. Haha! You can also apply the 'everyday product' of your preference. 

my curls turned to waves after I combed it. hahaha
also, it is forbidden for permed hair to combed or brush the permed area, only the top part.
You can visit their site by clicking the link above, it will direct you to their page.
They have several promos every now and then.

Their site is very helpful. From news, service rates, promos, Hairstyle Gallery (Perm, Rebond and Color), Hair Care Products, Branches and they even have a Customer Support Chat where you can ask questions or inquiries and you will be replied shortly.

I am thinking of having my hair colored, color suggestions?
I am also open about Salon suggestions that offer quality hair color at a lower price :)

Got a permed hair too? Share your experience with me! 

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

i can't remember the last time we celebrated your birthday, do you?
we celebrated once, it was two years ago, i guess..
since before, whenever i ask about your birthday plan you always say that you wanted to go on a kind-of  'soul-searching' day for yourself... you wanted to be alone on your day..
but you always have the plan of celebrating your day with your friends.. isn't it? and i am always not invited.. haha no hard feelings ;p
of course i want to be with you on your day.. and befriend your friends. but i guess that's just too much to ask.
it's not like i am mad with that.. besides it's your day and your decision after all
maybe i am only a little jealous cos its not like you made plan/s to be with me, i hope you ever had... even just in your mind

Sunday, September 27, 2015

21st B-Day Wishlist!

My last B-day wishlist was when I'm turning 18? or 19? I can't remember. Haha.
I know, I know that no one will give me a gift but I want to make a wishlist, at wala kayong pake! (pabebe LOL)

THESE bags!
IG: bagged_that_ph
Eh kasi lahat ng bag ko kasya baby eh.


IG: sophistique_ph
I originally wanted this for my graduation eh :P
for my no-bake cake making.
bijou_shoes on IG and Beauty on a Budget in Facebook
Lace-Up Shorts from Topshop
I'm running out of  descent shorts. 

Hooded Jacket - H&M
Maroon or dark blue? Mint green? Haha!
Just found this on sooooo cute! <3.<3
Hollow City
Peculiar Children
Library of Souls

                                                                                                --- x ---

Saturday, August 29, 2015

payroll, income tax and value-added are killing me :(
I can't even remember the last time I've cried because of exams. ugh :(

Sunday, July 19, 2015



you don't know what it's like

no, you don't know what it's like 

      - I wanted to change my blog's description accordingly with the title but I decided to keep my current description

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

little big steps

Saying that you are not happy anymore is more hurtful than just breaking up with her. Maybe you could just have cheated on her than told her that.
She's very hurt, like hell. She's lost. She's breaking and bleeding inside. Somewhere inside herself that no one has ever seen or touched before.
With all the things that's going on in her life now, it is the best decision for her not to think anymore. She gets by day-by-day, she manages herself to smile and laugh. Here are some things that MIGHT interest you or MIGHT answer some questions and also SOME of the things that she wanted to say if you could've just let her reach you and talk to you.

She actually deactivated her Facebook account before she blocked you in Facebook. She had a Facebook-free week. She had a problem at home, she wanted to talk to you, she wanted you to listen to her. She wanted to run away... but she has nowhere to go.
She blocked you in Facebook. Yep, she did. Did you know why? Seeing your posts, whatever it may be, she's just so jealous and she knows it. She keeps on stalking you every now and then. She wanted to stop herself from stalking you, from hurting herself, from crying again. She needed it. Not for anybody else, not for anything else but that and for herself alone.
She's been trying too hard. She's doesn't want to be the one who's left behind. At least. that's what she wanted everyone to see. Everyone who know what happened to you two, but doesn't know her, and FYI, she hates that.
July 14 - she succeeded stopping herself from replying to you. She wanted to have a conversation to you - so badly.  But she didn't know what to say, what to say to keep a conversation going, and she's afraid the door will shut to her face.
Thankful. She's thankful to this lady stranger who gave her things to think about, made her realize things and thought her that no matter what advice she get, no one can true-ly help her but herself. Right now, she's surrendering to the pain the world has to give and to the sweet agony of missing you especially when it's 3 in the morning,

She needed everything she's done, think about that. She doesn't want it but she needed it.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Twenty-seventh of May

It was supposed to be our fourth year anniversary. We've been together on this date for the last three years since 2011 and we've celebrated for the first two years and I think that was the last time you've greeted me. Haha. I miss those days and those things we do and those greetings.

I wish you'll miss me like the way you miss me when we just got together. Miss those amount of time you spend with me, those surprise visits, those aliens you gave me (hindi na sila nadagdagan since 2013). HAHAHAHA

I really, really, really miss a lot of our little things, but do you?
I also wonder if I don't make you proud? Can't I have a little recognition?
I just can't tell you this and demand for these things because I don't want to pressure you and put burden to you...
I sometimes wish I could go back and turn time. If only I could turn back time.
I wanted to spend some time with you today and I almost thought that we would, almost. Hehe.
I'm not saying that I'm not happy because now, I really am. We're together again, got to spend time with you, be with you, hug you, kiss you, like what more can I ask for? Hehe.

I am thinking of this like for the whole day and now, I just can't think clearly and construct my sentence properly because BBT is distracting me. Hahaha

P.S. It's raining hard now, wish I could sleep with you tonight.

P.P.S. Stating the obvious here, I love you very, very, very much babe. :*

Sunday, April 12, 2015


I don't know if I really want this. I don't know where to go from here. ugh.
Am I sure about it? Definitely no!
I don't want to feel more alone and lonely there.
But I have to close my eyes and take these steps. For the future, my own future.


I got a lot of stuff on my 'To Blog' folder... and I am about to post it but... Ctrl A + Delete. Empty Recycle Bin.
I hate this shitty feeling on a shitty day.


The moment I opened my eyes today, no, maybe even before I opened my eyes today, I got this feeling that I want to run away. I don’t know where or how far. I just want to run from here.

Everybody seemed to be loud, very loud and it irritates me. All I hear is their voices’. Especially these two. They keep on talking, and talking, and talking loud as if they’ve swallowed megaphones and it was stocked in their throat.

Honestly, I don’t know if that is really the reason why I want to run away or I am just making an excuse but right now, one thing is for sure and it’s that I want to leave this place, this house. I want to go somewhere a little more quiet. Somewhere I can have a little peace of mind. Somewhere I can lay and think or lay and sleep feeling safe. Somewhere I can move freely and not being judged.

I don’t know why I don’t feel at home when I’m at home. Gusto kong lumayas L

Run fast, run far and don’t look back.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Maybe I can't cry hard enough
Or maybe I can't cry anymore.

Things doesn't stay the same
Because everything change.

I honestly want to write a bunch of things that I can't get out of my mind but suddenly I'm always blank. Words, phrases, sentences, give me a piece of paper and it will come back to you empty.
I feel like my world is crushing right in front of my eyes and I stood there watching 'til everything's gone. I look around me. I ask myself a lot. I talk to myself a lot.

Do I really have friends? Like friends friends? But why, why can't I talk to them about these bullshit things in my mind?

Maybe trust is the issue
Or maybe trust is not the issue
Maybe it is about me
Nothing else and no one else but me


I don't wanna spoil the precious moment by recording it with the phone, I'm just gonna keep them!

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Reaching You

Under the gentle sunlight, the chimes seem to pause.
I breathed deeper as the wind brushes my cheeks.
Those indirect tears, the tomorrow we named, and the criss-crossing lines stained future...
Let these feelings and our days of laughter become all the more precious to us. You showed me many new things, crossing fragmented moments.
I want my feelings to join yours... to reach you...