Sunday, July 13, 2014


I was born when my mother was 45, yes, I am a menopause baby. Now, I am turning 20, meaning my mother is at her 65 and my father is 67. I look like their grandchild. People who didn’t know when my mother was pregnant of me don’t believe that I am not one of their grandchild, but their daughter.

I was, and still am, eating one’s heart out whenever I see teens like me with their parents who looks just like my eldest sister who is now 42. I envy every single child who has the chance to live with their parents until they grow old and have their own family, own kids.

I love my parents very, very, very, very much. Hindi ko man palaging nasasabi sa kanila yon. If not for them, I’d may not gone to college.

These past nights, I’ve been having this nightmare, nightmare because I’ve yet to accept that he’s leaving soon. On these dreams, he’s always gone. And I’ll wake up in the middle of my sleep panting hard and with a heavy heart. Sleepless nights that I’ve been crying myself to sleep. My pillow was soaked. My eyes hurt. My father is terminally ill with lung cancer and his body can’t stand any operation and even if so, he wouldn’t under go any operation. He’s condition is not getting any better.   Our family is spending more or less forty thousand pesos a month for his medicines, both the prescribed and the herbal. I remember a few days before this year’s Father’s Day, I was in the grocery with my eldest sister when she said ‘Father’s Day nap ala sa Linggo… nako, baka huling Father’s Day na sa atin si Tatang”, I just don’t know how to react. I want to help to give my parents a peaceful life. At their age, we just want them to rest and enjoy life. I want them to have even just a little bit of a marvelous way of living. I want them to taste life that they should have after working hard for us, let them taste foods they’ve never tasted, go to places they’ve never been. But then I don’t even know if they will still be both at my side when I receive my college diploma.. because, because that will be my greatest gift to them.

“Tatang, mahal na mahal na mahal kita.. yung pinaka maganda mong anak. Wag mo muna sana akong iiwan ha? Ang bata bata ko pa eh.. sabi mo gusto mo makita yung magiging apo mo sakin kaya wag ka muna sana aalis ha?Naalala ko lagi yung nangyari sakin dati sa jeep na nung pababa na ako nung jeep sabi nung driver “Anak ka ba ni Nomeng?” sabi ko “Opo.” Tapos sabi nung driver, “Eto na yung binayad mo oh, kamuka ka ng tatay mo ah.” Kamukha daw kita oh, naks. Sobrang proud akong maging tatay ka. Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal po kita...

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