I don’t know if I can still do this. I hate this. I hate my
feelings. It just won’t give me a goddamn peaceful rest. Is there any night
that I don’t have to weep myself to sleep? This is just tiring. It tires me.
This life I got. I want you near. To watch you sleep. To hold you. Hug you. I
can, literally, but I won’t. L
Everything confuses me. I am a self-admitted pessimistic
pathetic person but look, my friends, what you’ve done! You’re all pulling me
up. Pulling my hopes up. I know you’re just being nice but I think, I loved and
miss and wanting to be that pessimistic lass I am before. I need to be like
that again, I guess.
Darling can you share me your secret? How can you be that
strong, after everything? Aren’t you affected anymore? That fast? I bet not!
Seriously speaking, how can you do that? We’re on the same perimeter, not fifty
meters away of radius, and act like I don’t exist? Like my presence is just
like the air? Barely felt. Like all is well? I approached you the nicest way
that I think I can. You casually talked to me and I feel that you don’t really
like to have a chat with me, if that’s what your actions are conveying, okay, I
got it. So I fucked off. I laid, nakedly, my questions to you but what did you
gave me? You almost laugh. You made fun of me. (Or at least that how I accept
your reaction) My freaking fucking gosh! I need answers. I want answers. You
don’t know how hard I’d suffered to stop
myself to walk to you. To hug you. Ugh.
I am not mad. It’s just… just… I miss you. L
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