I don’t know if I can still do this. I hate this. I hate my feelings. It just won’t give me a goddamn peaceful rest. Is there any night that I don’t have to weep myself to sleep? This is just tiring. It tires me. This life I got. I want you near. To watch you sleep. To hold you. Hug you. I can, literally, but I won’t. L

Everything confuses me. I am a self-admitted pessimistic pathetic person but look, my friends, what you’ve done! You’re all pulling me up. Pulling my hopes up. I know you’re just being nice but I think, I loved and miss and wanting to be that pessimistic lass I am before. I need to be like that again, I guess.

Darling can you share me your secret? How can you be that strong, after everything? Aren’t you affected anymore? That fast? I bet not! Seriously speaking, how can you do that? We’re on the same perimeter, not fifty meters away of radius, and act like I don’t exist? Like my presence is just like the air? Barely felt. Like all is well? I approached you the nicest way that I think I can. You casually talked to me and I feel that you don’t really like to have a chat with me, if that’s what your actions are conveying, okay, I got it. So I fucked off. I laid, nakedly, my questions to you but what did you gave me? You almost laugh. You made fun of me. (Or at least that how I accept your reaction) My freaking fucking gosh! I need answers. I want answers. You don’t know how hard I’d suffered to  stop myself to walk to you. To hug you. Ugh.

I am not mad. It’s just… just… I miss you. L