Friday, August 24, 2012

I always wanted to be good, good enough for my parents to be proud of me.
I wanted to see them with a big smile etched on their face.
I am now in college - taking Bachelor in Science in Accountancy.
They want me to be a successful CPA years from now.
They are inspired with my uncle who is a CPA and currently working at the Ayala Corporation in a high and respected position and also my sister, who did not took the CPA Board Exam but is an accountant in a shipping company.
They wanted me to be like them, a CPA or Accountant.
When I was in my senior year in high school I loved my Bookkeeping subject.
I always get a high grade during exams and that's why I loved it.
I got the chance to be in line to those are known for being real smart kids.
I then thought that Accountancy will be easy, I thought.
Now that I am taking up the course that I thought was easy, I feel like dying, seriously.
My mind is in chaos right now. Last semester I got a grade of 1.75 on my major, Accounting subject but now, I didn't even got to pass even a single quiz! I didn't made to pass our prelims. :(
It really saddens me.
What if I didn't make it to get a grade not lower than 2? - I'm kicked out of the course.
What if I got kicked out of the course? - My family will be disappointed with me. And it will surely break my heart.
What will happen then? - I will lose my scholarship. :( Which I don't want to happen. My parents don't have the capacity to pay the tuition at the University that I am enrolled to.
How can I them that I failed? - Maybe I need to run away?
What am I gonna do if I don't get in the scholars list? - Maybe I have to stop studying? Maybe I should get a job next semester.
What am I gonna do? I really don't want to lose the track in Accountancy (for my family). I don't to lose my scholarship because it's a big thing for us. We don't need to pay for more than forty three thousand pesos for every semester because of that damn scholarship then what? I will suddenly lose it? Oh God, please help me. I don't want to be a burden on the family.
I just need to draw resentment about this issue.

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